Thanksgiving in our house was a fairly subdued affair. We ended up having my niece and her family with us for the day, which was truly a blessing. It gave me someone to talk to throughout the day as well as someone for the boys to play with. We shared a wonderful meal together in the afternoon – turkey, potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, beans, and more. With pumpkin and apple pies for dessert, we were completely set.
We spent all day watching Tim drift mostly in and a little out of sleep. Today is a repeat of yesterday. For those that don’t know, this means that the carbon dioxide toxicity has started to overcome his body systems. I have heard varying information as to how long it may be, but it is the final step in the ALS disease process. Some say it will be a few days, others say a week, but all agree that this is the last thing.
So the time is finally here. In one way, it is a much anticipated relief of the agony we have lived for over two years. Just two short years ago, we were out purchasing Tim’s walking stick. We had heard “ALS” and were still in disbelief. We were waiting to have a further test done to confirm the diagnosis, so we were still holding out hope that maybe it was something else. The last two years have held lifetime’s worth of change in them. We have watched as Tim could no longer walk unaided, no longer drive, no longer walk, no longer work. He needed a wheelchair, then a communication device, then a feeding tube. He could no longer shave, or brush his teeth, or feed himself. His life became smaller and smaller until the only thing that his world consists of is the TV, the living room and the kitchen.
On the other hand, it is a very final thing to say goodbye to someone here on earth. The boys have never known life without their dad. Being a little older, Luke is able to comprehend best what life will be like without Dad. That doesn’t make it any easier, though. Micah is raw emotion about it all. He keeps wishing it all away. And Simon is the most scared about what life will be like without a Dad. Myself – even though I have said goodbye to someone close before, it doesn’t make this any easier. I know life will end up having a sense of normal again someday, but this isn’t what one imagines life will be like.
So the consolation to both of those reactions to Tim’s passing must be the hope we have in Christ that Tim will be fully healed in heaven and be there waiting to welcome us later on. To know that he will be welcomed into Jesus’ arms fully healed is such a relief after all that his body has endured over the past two years. And to know that he will be in heaven, reunited with other family members, and waiting for us some day down the road, helps to lessen the loneliness we are sure to deal with in the coming days, months and years.
If you are of the praying sort, please pray that the next few days would pass comfortably and that Tim’s death would be peaceful. Pray that the boys would go out of their way to say special words to Tim that they would remember always. Pray that God’s perfect timing would take place in our home.
Again, thank you all for your love, prayers and support through this journey. It has been long and hard and without all of you, we never could have made it this far in the shape we are in. Thank you!