I am tired of making big decisions all the time. I tend to make them and then change them. For example, my schooling this fall. I had decided to make a go of it. However, I was beginning to shrink into myself and wasn’t able to even take care of daily tasks anymore. Finally, when I let go of the school idea for this fall, I am more relaxed and am able to care for my family again.
Tonight, we even get a home-cooked meal! The house is relatively clean. The boys are doing better today. That may also be from our counseling session last night. I am just feeling better overall.
I am returning to the excitement of the beginning of a new school year for my kids. This is the first time I’m sending them all out the door. It will be quite a new experience for me. I am very much looking forward to going to Bible study at church on Tuesday mornings. I will get to volunteer at Simon’s school for sure. I’m not sure if I’ll have opportunities to volunteer at Micah’s school. I will have uninterrupted time to focus on my volunteer work at church. I can schedule in time at the gym to work out and take care of myself. I will have time to create in my sewing room. And of course, I will need to continue providing care in many ways for Tim – some is hands on care, some is telephoning various doctors and getting other needs taken care of.
Yes, when I start to write all of that out, I realize that it would be too much to add my own schooling in on top of all that. I know many people were telling me to wait, and I appreciate their efforts to help me see this. The reality is that I am a very stubborn person, but I usually catch myself in time. And I think I did this time too.
I will re-think school for next fall. It will require me to sit down and see if things here at home have become more conducive to a master’s program. It has taken a large amount of trust and faith for me to set it down. But God has never failed me yet, so I’m sure he knows how much this program would feed the passion he has given to me for kids’ and family ministry. For right now, I will be satisfied that setting it down has made my life much better.