There are so many way to answer the question “How are things going for you?” To start with, it’s quite obvious that things are not as rosy as they could be. But, like I said, that’s stating the obvious. Now to more deeply explore how things are going for me.
Considering the circumstances I find myself in, I think I am faring alright. I understand that my Father in heaven loves me and is providing everything I need in His perfect timing. When I need a ride somewhere, a driver shows up in my driveway. When I need a meal, an amateur caterer will bring a dish prepared in love to share with my family. When I need a night out, a group of women whisk me away to Let’s Dish!, which is not only a wonderful social time for me, but also a chance to stock my freezer with many meals for the coming months. When we need a better bathroom, an overburdened, overtired man comes to volunteer his time to remodel our bathroom. When it would just be nice to have a fresh look in our house, a small group comes and paints half my house in beautiful colors and puts in a new floor.
On the other hand, there are many ways that I feel things are slipping out of control. I have more people than I can count come into my home to make improvements that I didn’t even know I needed, let alone planned on doing. My main floor bathroom will be ripped out on my 40th birthday. (Happy birthday, Barb.) I find myself making decisions only to remake them using information that had been given to me that I missed in the first round of decision-making.
I feel like crying, but no tears come anymore. My well is all dried up. I sit and stare out my window. I don’t know what to think anymore. I wish my husband would engage with us. I wish that I could say this tragedy is pulling our family closer together. But, regrettably, that’s only the case for the boys and me. Tim is still choosing to remain silent about how things are going. I wish I had a solution for this. Yet, I know that Tim has to deal with this in his own way. I have to refrain from judging him, as I am facing a different problem than he is.
Since Luke has been home for the past three weeks, I have not had as much downtime to just sit and think. I haven’t seen my quilting room much either. I think that combination is pushing me to my limit. Thankfully, Luke returns to school on Tuesday and I don’t really have much on my calendar this week. I will get a chance to relax, pray, quilt, pray, catch up on house projects, pray. Maybe by the end of the week, I’ll be in a better place. I will have had a chance to spend hours alone with my Best Friend catching up with Him on how things are really going – from His point of view, which is always so very different than my own. He knows more than I ever will. He sees how my current situation can and will be used to reach out to others with His love. That is what I want more than anything else in this tough time.
Life Stitches 