We made it through the first day after the bomb went off. I convinced Luke to go to school, but told him to call me if things started to feel too overwhelming. Our dear friend Sanna came to take Simon and me shopping for new shoes for him. (Thanks Greg Anderson for fixing up his old ones at church yesterday, but somehow blaze orange duct tape on black shoes can only last a day or two!) Micah and Tim stayed home to have some special time together.
While Sanna, Simon and I were at McD’s for lunch, my cell phone rang. So we were off to pick Luke up. I figure he made it through 1/2 day. That’s pretty good considering the circumstances. This afternoon, Tim went to see the alternative medicine guy. While he was gone, I gave everyone a pass and said play screen games to your heart’s content. (Selfishly, I went to my sewing room for a while!)
Tonight, I went to talk and pray with the boys. Boy, we had questions tonight! The boys definitely spent the day mentally focused on how life has changed. Some questions were easy, some were hard – both to ask and to answer. But all were valid, sincere and deeply heartfelt.
Why can’t they replace the diseased nerves with healthy ones?
How do they find out how to cure this?
Why not just cut off Dad’s legs and then the nerves can’t continue to die?
Why did God pick our family?
Who is going to work after Dad dies?
NOTE: this one is not for the weak in heart! Why not just get rid of Dad now so that he doesn’t have to be in pain? (The suggestion is that the government would do this – we would never do this, you know!)
Please don’t be shocked or judgmental of my kids. They are in raw emotion right now. I am allowing them to feel anything and everything, and I field one thing at a time. If it’s outrageous, I slowly guide them back to a more acceptable field of reaction. Mostly, I tell them whatever they are feeling is normal. There is no stupid question, there is no wrong way to feel right now.
I loved our prayer and talking time tonight though. I got a chance to tell them that they have an opportunity now to become better brothers than they have ever been before. That they can support and encourage each other through all this. They discovered that they were not alone in how they were feeling and the questions that were bombarding their hearts. I assured them that Mom & Dad are still here, that they can always reach out to us or to each other and most importantly to God. I don’t know why God chose our family, but we can choose to use this experience to make our faith stronger, to cherish our family more, to give God free rein in our lives.
We had the first of, I am sure, many discussions about miracles. God is capable of miracles; they can ask God for a miracle; what is a miracle; Mom could use a miracle for her seizures just as much as Dad for his ALS. They aren’t entirely convinced yet, but we’ll still keep talking about it.
I’m falling asleep as I write this. Tomorrow is another day. We’ll see what questions arise tomorrow.