Emotional upheaval

Problem: how to teach children the healthy ways of dealing with emotions that are bigger than they are. Especially when those same emotions are swallowing me alive. The feeling that everything is outside my control and that I can’t do a darn thing to make any of it better or go away. I just sit and stare out the window realizing that I can’t fix the problems that are so invasive in our home right now.

I would rather cocoon myself away in my bedroom. But instead I am still trying to run a functional homeschooling environment. I must say, it’s not running very smoothly just now. I am barely functioning myself right now. For the first time, I am having someone come over just to help me clean. I feel so pathetic – yet it is good to have people out there that are willing to help me in this way. I am truly grateful.

If only it was that easy with dealing with the emotional part of this journey. Especially with the kids. Micah and Simon are constantly at each others’ throats over the smallest little thing. I think it is mostly because they are overloaded with the new stress in the house. It doesn’t help that Simon kept Micah up until past 10:30 last night. Micah is opting for a nap instead of recess today. Hopefully, that will help for this afternoon.

Since we haven’t told the kids yet what the final stages of ALS are, they are feeling very confused. They know that Dad’s leg isn’t working and we have told them the doctors think it won’t ever get better. But I’m sure that by now they have figured out there’s more to the story. But we have decided to not say anything until at least after the holidays. After that, I’m not sure what we’re going to do. We will be asking lots of questions at the ALS clinic when we go in January. I’m hoping they will have people that can help us help the boys.

Oh, for the day when I can feel quiet and calm inside again.

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