Reality isn’t always nice.

I started this blog with the intent of recording things in the life of my family that would be interesting for others to read – whether it was about something with one of my quilts, or in the life of my kids that the grandparents would want to read, maybe something funny, or something thought-provoking. Right now, I feel like my life is so full of burdens. I don’t want to keep recording negative things over and over until it seems like this blog itself is dragging me down.

And yet, that is where my life is right now. My reality isn’t very nice to me right now. I have two kids that I am schooling at home that are being particularly uncooperative. I have one in a B&M school that is barely putting effort forth on his schoolwork. I have a husband who can barely walk because of something that we can’t identify nor fix. And I certainly don’t have time to be in my sewing room right now.

I’m grasping at straws for how to pull my life back together again. I had a wonderful mini-vacation that rested me and gave me a new perspective for what I want for my family. I am sick and tired of all the tantrums, whining, demanding and everything else going on wrong in our house. I want a family that loves to be together, loves to laugh things off and move on with what needs to be done. How do I teach that when I am in a constant battle to even keep them in the house? Aaarrgghh.

I know that somehow I have to keep it together better. They have definitely learned what buttons to push to get Mom into a bluthering mess. Then everything stops while Mom delivers her lecture. It’s easier to tune that out for a while than to work on school. I have to re-wire myself in order to make those buttons non-functional now. I’m going to work on that idea for a while.

While life may be a bit crazy and full of unknowns right now, I know that God’s peace is in my life. I know that He will give me what I need to get through this time. He will give me the strength I need when I feel the weakest. So, reality may not be nice, but God is good and He will help me negotiate this tough days.

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4 thoughts on “Reality isn’t always nice.

  1. My Dear Daughter,
    You are feeling what I did when my children were your boys’ ages — although some things with homework is probably worse than I faced. I understand your frustrations and downright anger with the whole situation. Try to find a place where you can cry and yell out to God == and tell HIM exactly how you feel and all that is going on. You know that HE knows all of this, but to tell HIM in your own words is beneficial to you and to God to listen to you. Tell HIM that you can’t take all of this stress any more, and that HE is in charge (in control) and you want HIM to take over. Then keep reading and repeating the last paragraph that you wrote in your blog. This next sentence will sound absolutely impossible, BUT when the boys push your buttons, walk away for awhile and pray and then ask God what to do. (I didn’t do this very well :(( with my kids, but looking back and listening to various people at church and on the radio, I think that is what I should have done.) Regarding Tim, the “not knowing” what is causing his physical disability is the real source of the problem == for all of us. People all over the country, all over our church, all over the world are praying for God’s wisdom be given to Tim’s doctor — maybe a call to him now and explain that Tim wants to go directly to Mayo Clinic for an evaluation instead of wasting more time for more tests. It’s alright to TELL the Dr. what you want. Plus you (or Tim) can call the insurance company and explain everything to get their authorization for Mayo Clinic. You can be in charge with the Dr. and insurance comp. — in a diplomatic, nice, but firm way!!! I wish I could do this for you and Tim, but I can’t. We love you both – and the boys as well — and we pray every day (or more) that God will be close to you and to give you strength, peace, and endurance through this trying time. LOVE, Mom

    1. Thank you so much for these words. It helps to know that there are people praying for us. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there reading my blog and keeping up on how to pray. I find that the more I pray, the more I am able to keep my responses to the boys appropriate and healthy. Maybe all your prayers will help too.

  2. Oh Barb! I am so familiar with your feelings of discouragement and anger, though my current frustrations are different from yours. I so admire your strong faith and your ability to look at the issues objectively…I’ve never been able to sort things out very well. Your blogs are always “just what the doctor ordered” for myself. I pray for you often and trust that our Great Physician will apply his healing balm to Tim, to yourself, and to your boys. I’m reminded of a camp song from years past…”Our God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY. There’s NOTHING our God cannot do!” Pour out your sould before Him. He will answer. I love you, Barb! ~Wanda

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers. I wish we could see each other more often. You are a wonderful friend and I am so glad that you are keeping up and praying for us!

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